Category: The Power of Words

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” — Bernard Baruch

Baruch’s words bring to mind a verse from the book of James:

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry… (James 1:19)

Can you imagine what might happen if today — for at least one day — we determined to talk less and listen more?

By the way, something I’ve noticed about James’ exhortation: When I listen more than I talk, the “slow to become angry” part is much easier to manage.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up others according to their need… (Ephesians 4:29)

The Greek word translated building up means, in its most literal context, to construct a house, or repair a house, or remodel, renovate, and restore a house.

Paul is saying, then, that in every conversation we should strive to say only that which will build and repair — only that which will make the other person stronger and the situation better.

My Job in De-Construction.

Years ago I took part in a ministry project that involved the renovation of an old house.

Actually, my role wasn’t in the renovation side of things. I was in the group that went in with sledge hammers. It was our job to tear down walls and bust out floors. A lot of fun, I must admit.

When we were finished, the place was a shambles — because that’s what sledgehammers tend to leave behind.

Then came the guys who really know something about construction to begin making the place look new.

When their work was done, it was a marvel to behold.

Of course, I never kidded myself into thinking that I really had anything to do with the end result. I was just a lug with a sledgehammer — the extent of my construction skills.

It was the craftsmen who turned the shambles into a showplace.

Here’s my point.

There are many who think it’s their job, in conversation, to be the sledgehammer. They imagine themselves to be foreman on God’s verbal demolition crew.

But that’s not who you’re called to be.

Your job, rather, is to be a craftsman: to rebuild and renovate with the words you speak.

Solomon said…

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise bring healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

It takes no skill at all to swing a sledge hammer. Neither to tear people apart with your words. They’re both about the same.

But a craftsman knows how to build. And rebuild. And renovate and restore.

That’s our job.

Today’s memo was updated from a previous post.

The average person talks to themselves thousands of times a day. According to one study, our self-talk clocks in at about 4000 words per minute.

For many, much of what they hear from themselves is negative: “Why can’t you do anything right? You’ll never succeed. You’ll never change. You don’t have a chance.”

These words reinforce what we believe about ourselves, and they influence the actions we take.

We find it far too easy to believe in the power of our weakness, and far too difficult to believe in the power of the God who promises to transform us into his likeness.

God spoke through Joel this simple phrase: “Let the weak say ‘I am strong.'” (Joel 3:10) He was referring to the day of battle, guaranteeing for his people a victory.

Every day is the day of battle for followers of Christ. We come face-to-face with temptation, discouragement, apathy, and failure — day in, day out. And in the midst of battle, God reminds us that victory is ours.

Therefore, let the weak say I am strong — for, just as David proclaimed when facing Goliath, “The battle is the Lord’s.” And he has promised us victory.

Today’s memo was updated from a previous post.

Solomon said, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19)

I was in a business meeting several years ago when the conversation took a rather tense turn, to the point of becoming more than a little heated.

One of the men in the meeting — the principle involved — called a time out and said, “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” He then left the room and left us there waiting.

A few minutes later he returned, saying “I didn’t like where this was going, and I didn’t want to say something I would regret. So I decided a little break might do us good.”

We were then able to continue our discussion on a softer level, ultimately coming to a resolution. The moment of silence worked wonders.

…he who holds his tongue is wise. (Proverbs 10:19)

There’s a time to talk things out; we all know that. But there’s also a time to put our words on hold and say nothing at all.

We need to recognize those moments when added words won’t bring about a solution, they’ll just cause us to dig the hole a little deeper for ourselves.

When you’re tempted to go on and on and on about something, (especially when you know you’re right) try this instead: Take a break from talking about it. Put your words on hold. See what a little silence can do.

Back in the 1950s, psychologist David Broadbent performed a fairly simple experiment. He set up several subjects with headphones that were putting out two different messages at the same time, one to each ear.

Afterwards, Dr. Broadbent tested the subjects on their ability to retain the information.

His conclusion?

We can only listen to one voice at a time.

Seems like this should be obvious, doesn’t it? And yet, think of how much time we spend trying to listen to two (at least) contradictory voices at the same.

God says, “Forgive as you have been forgiven.” The other voice says, “Get even.”

God says, “Seek me first.” The other voice says, “Look out for number one.”

God says, “All things to work together for good.” The other voice says, “This situation is out of control.”

Just as no one can serve two masters, no one can listen to two voices at a time. “My sheep,” Jesus said, “Listen to my voice.” (John 10:27)

Today, all throughout the day, there will be two voices (at least) competing for your attention. One voice is pure and true; the other will deceive.

And you can listen only to one.

Which one will you engage today?

Here’s another great quote from baseball legend Connie Mack.

“No matter what I talk about, I always get back to baseball.”

He said this in an interview with the Sporting News magazine in March 1951. He was 88 at the time, retired from the game, and yet he still couldn’t stop talking about baseball.

We’ve all known those whose every conversation inevitably arrives at the same destination. Some to an off-color joke, others to a bit of gossip, or a complaint about this or that, or a vein-popping political rant. No matter where the conversation begins, it always comes to the same ugly place.

And then there are others whose conversations always lead to an uplifting thought … a prayer request … a praise report … a word of encouragement.

It has a lot to do with what’s on your mind all the time, and also what’s in your heart.

That’s why Jesus said, “What you say flows from what is in your heart.” (Luke 6:45)

What does your conversation always get back to?

Taken from Steve’s book, “It’s All in the Dailies.”

When you’re sick and you visit the doctor, what’s the first thing he nearly always says?

“Let me see your tongue.”

It seems like a doctor is able to tell what’s wrong with you just by looking at your tongue, doesn’t it?

This is also true in a spiritual sense. Your tongue has the ability to spread poison throughout your life, and it can infect everyone around you.

That’s why James gives a solemn warning about the tongue: It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. (James 3:6 NLT)

It doesn’t have to be that way. There’s a way to prevent — and sometimes reverse — the damage.

Instead of speaking words that belittle, you can make an effort to speak words that bless.

Instead of using words that hurt, you can offer words that heal.

Instead of resorting to criticism, you can aim for encouragement.

And when you miss the mark on any of these, you can say, “I’m sorry.”

The tongue is powerful, not only in its ability to wreak havoc, but in its ability to build up others in every conversation. And in the process, it has the power to create lasting change.

Those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way (James 3:3 NLT)

What if, today, we made it our objective to speak words of hope, healing and encouragement in every conversation?

Several years ago I heard someone ask: “If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?

… And why are you waiting?”

In the movie Love Actually, Hugh Grant’s character makes the observation, “When the planes hit the twin towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge. They were all messages of love.”

Many of us spend too much time thinking of things we’d like to say — how we would like to tell that person what we really think, how he/she needs to get his/her life in order.

Or we think of things we wished we’d said — I always think of a snappy comeback about a month after the fact, but that doesn’t prevent me from rehearsing it a time or two, you know, for future reference.

Instead, we should be thinking of things we ought to say — such as: “I love you … I thank God for you … You’re special to me … You make a difference in my life … I appreciate you.”

The first chapter of Philippians gives us a good example to follow. As Paul was facing what could have been his final days, he made it a point to share his heart with his friends…

(1:3) Every time I think of you, I give thanks to God for you.

(1:4) I always pray for you and I make my requests with a heart full of joy.

(1:7) It is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a very special place in my heart.

The odds are that today isn’t your last day on planet earth. But don’t use that as an excuse to put off saying that most important thing to one who needs to hear it.

I took a retreat at a monastery a while back. Their custom is to observe total silence during the morning, and speaking only when necessary throughout the rest of the day. This took some getting used to, but I found it to be beneficial.

The following week I led the music at a camp in which the leadership team stayed together in the same cabin. We had a great time, laughing and joking with one another.

Our conversations were, for the most part, uplifting, but it wasn’t long before I noticed something. The more I talked, the more likely I was to say the wrong thing.

I also noticed that as I filled my days conversing with others, I had less time to converse with God.

Thomas A’ Kempis, in encouraging others to silence, said…

We often talk vainly and to no purpose; for this external pleasure effectively bars inward and divine consolation. Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly. When the right and opportune moment comes for speaking, say something that will edify.

I’m not suggesting that we all take vows of silence, but it will do us good to watch our words carefully, with the goal of saying only things that will edify others.

Maybe today you could give yourself a challenge. Before speaking, ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say necessary? Will it build up those who are listening?

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. (Proverbs 10:19)

Cartoonist Bill Watterson (Calvin and Hobbes) said, “Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak? Probably so we can think twice.”

His words remind us of Solomon’s…

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.  (Proverbs 21:23)

Do you want to eliminate some trouble in your life before it happens?

Learn to think twice and speak once.